"Fuck. The dreams started again. Last night I had a couple dreams about this person. The dreams took place in present-time, and he had managed to track me down to my present residence; he was inside my home - - playing nice to everyone (but he was not aware that I was home). I was terrified, and I knew that he wasn't going to stop until he was able to meet me face-to-face. In the dream, I wasn't able to tell if he had bad intentions - - but his face was devious and "delusional". I was able to overhear some of what he was saying (I think that I was in another room, while others in my home played if I was not there), and he mentioned how I had blocked him on facebook.
I find this all so strange. I'm starting to wonder what it's going to take for me to get past this. Even though he is not present in my conscious thoughts day-to-day, it's obvious that my mind has been troubled by this old memory.
Anyone have any thoughts? Should I give it some more time and see if the dreams eventually subside - - or is it going to take something more?
Thanks again."
I decided to take queso's advice and take the further step of blocking this person. Before doing so, I decided to take a glance at their profile - - and this basically cemented it in for me - - no info on it except for a quote, "I think I saw a puddy cat!", and a bunch of "ha ha ha ha"s in the info fields. No, thank you. Ignored, blocked, and moving on!
I'm glad I posted this question, because I wouldn't have thought to block this person (to be honest, I didn't now that option was even there). So, something good did come from all of this. Besides, it's always nice to get some reassuring advice. Thanks to everyone for their input.
This is going to be a dumb question -- but would they know that they've got the right Simian XY, as opposed to another Simian XY?
He (previously suicidal Simian XY1) knows that I'm the right Simian XY because he found me via a mutual friend (SimianXY2) that I'm already linked to on Facebook. SimianXY2 also put up with some serious crap from this person, so I was somewhat surprised that SimianXY2 had accepted SimianXY1 as a friend.
To make matters even more interesting, the two individuals mentioned above plotted to jump me in the alley behind my home - this during Junior High School. They executed their plan one cold dark night. The showed up at my home - my mom said some of my friends wanted to see me - they told me to come outside. SimianXY2 threw his arms around me from back while SimianXY1 proceeded to punch me in the gut (though, it had to be one of the weakest punches I ever felt). SimianXY2, realizing how bizarre and out-of-control his behavior had become since being friends with SimianXY1, told SimianXY1 that he no longer wanted to be friend and cut him completely off (he even apologized profusely to me for the "punching incident"). SimianXY2 and I later become close friends, and were roommates during our freshman year of college (heck, we even had a kick ass band going there for a while). I was happy to find him on Facebook, and it was nice catching up. However, this was the unexpected twist that I never even considered.
Thanks, everyone. I will simply ignore the request. There is nothing to be gained by having this person in my life. If their feelings are hurt that I didn't accept their friend request - then tough cookies. I hope he has since learned to deal with his life in a healthy and meaningful way. I'm confident that the dreams will stop in time. I'm just glad to hear some extra words of kind advice that support my original thinking. This place continues to rock, dwindling or not!
I think some of you have misunderstood. I don’t have a desperate attitude towards meeting women, and have turned down chances over the last couple of years because the situation wasn’t right. I’m happy to be single until I meet the right person. I have fulfilling interests and don’t wallow in self loathing etc.
Masturbation != sex for some people. I suppose if you’re not one of them, it might be hard to understand, but it is a genuine need rather than something you can just choose to put aside. The feelings of edginess around women etc. are more like symptoms that come on than personality problems.
I think intimacy and loneliness come into it, but sex drive itself is a major part.
It is for financial reasons that I can no longer see escorts. Paid sex can’t replace finding a partner or casual relationships, but it does a lot for my wellbeing in the meantime, and puts me in a better state of mind for meeting women.
I don’t want to impose on MCT so can’t reply much more – perhaps there is no ideal solution at the moment, but thanks for the thoughts.
Thanks for your replies. So to summarize:
1. Masturbate with engine oil
2. Become a pimp
3. Get into animals
Seriously some interesting stuff. I should clarify that I meant Moneyjane's type of professional assistance. Although I have also seen a counselor.
The counseling worked much better combined with the other consultations.
I am open to the idea that a need for intimacy can come into it, but I think sometimes you just need sex. What MCT said applies - a few times a year is miles away from nothing.
I'm not the kind of guy that needs to score all the time, so I can tell the difference between times when I can take matters into my own hands and when that no longer does the job.
The question of temptation is interesting - can men achieve a different state of mind if they separate themselves from women or even everyone like an early explorer?
Although the history of self denial has got a few failures - prisons, the navy, victorian gentlemen etc.
I guess I'll just have to see how it works out. I've got some ice cubes in the bath, and an catering size tub of margarine. See you in the asylum!
"Fuck. The dreams started again. Last night I had a couple dreams about this person. The dreams took place in present-time, and he had managed to track me down to my present residence; he was inside my home - - playing nice to everyone (but he was not aware that I was home). I was terrified, and I knew that he wasn't going to stop until he was able to meet me face-to-face. In the dream, I wasn't able to tell if he had bad intentions - - but his face was devious and "delusional". I was able to overhear some of what he was saying (I think that I was in another room, while others in my home played if I was not there), and he mentioned how I had blocked him on facebook. I find this all so strange. I'm starting to wonder what it's going to take for me to get past this. Even though he is not present in my conscious thoughts day-to-day, it's obvious that my mind has been troubled by this old memory. Anyone have any thoughts? Should I give it some more time and see if the dreams eventually subside - - or is it going to take something more? Thanks again."
posted by Simian XY 15 years ago
I decided to take queso's advice and take the further step of blocking this person. Before doing so, I decided to take a glance at their profile - - and this basically cemented it in for me - - no info on it except for a quote, "I think I saw a puddy cat!", and a bunch of "ha ha ha ha"s in the info fields. No, thank you. Ignored, blocked, and moving on! I'm glad I posted this question, because I wouldn't have thought to block this person (to be honest, I didn't now that option was even there). So, something good did come from all of this. Besides, it's always nice to get some reassuring advice. Thanks to everyone for their input.
posted by Simian XY 15 years ago
This is going to be a dumb question -- but would they know that they've got the right Simian XY, as opposed to another Simian XY? He (previously suicidal Simian XY1) knows that I'm the right Simian XY because he found me via a mutual friend (SimianXY2) that I'm already linked to on Facebook. SimianXY2 also put up with some serious crap from this person, so I was somewhat surprised that SimianXY2 had accepted SimianXY1 as a friend. To make matters even more interesting, the two individuals mentioned above plotted to jump me in the alley behind my home - this during Junior High School. They executed their plan one cold dark night. The showed up at my home - my mom said some of my friends wanted to see me - they told me to come outside. SimianXY2 threw his arms around me from back while SimianXY1 proceeded to punch me in the gut (though, it had to be one of the weakest punches I ever felt). SimianXY2, realizing how bizarre and out-of-control his behavior had become since being friends with SimianXY1, told SimianXY1 that he no longer wanted to be friend and cut him completely off (he even apologized profusely to me for the "punching incident"). SimianXY2 and I later become close friends, and were roommates during our freshman year of college (heck, we even had a kick ass band going there for a while). I was happy to find him on Facebook, and it was nice catching up. However, this was the unexpected twist that I never even considered. Thanks, everyone. I will simply ignore the request. There is nothing to be gained by having this person in my life. If their feelings are hurt that I didn't accept their friend request - then tough cookies. I hope he has since learned to deal with his life in a healthy and meaningful way. I'm confident that the dreams will stop in time. I'm just glad to hear some extra words of kind advice that support my original thinking. This place continues to rock, dwindling or not!
posted by Simian XY 15 years ago
In "Anonymous, George: Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fungus"
Thanks to everyone for their advice, it is very much appreciated!
posted by Simian XY 19 years ago
In "Anonymous, George: The Relief of Unbearable Urges"
I think some of you have misunderstood. I don’t have a desperate attitude towards meeting women, and have turned down chances over the last couple of years because the situation wasn’t right. I’m happy to be single until I meet the right person. I have fulfilling interests and don’t wallow in self loathing etc. Masturbation != sex for some people. I suppose if you’re not one of them, it might be hard to understand, but it is a genuine need rather than something you can just choose to put aside. The feelings of edginess around women etc. are more like symptoms that come on than personality problems. I think intimacy and loneliness come into it, but sex drive itself is a major part. It is for financial reasons that I can no longer see escorts. Paid sex can’t replace finding a partner or casual relationships, but it does a lot for my wellbeing in the meantime, and puts me in a better state of mind for meeting women. I don’t want to impose on MCT so can’t reply much more – perhaps there is no ideal solution at the moment, but thanks for the thoughts.
posted by Simian XY 19 years ago
Thanks for your replies. So to summarize: 1. Masturbate with engine oil 2. Become a pimp 3. Get into animals Seriously some interesting stuff. I should clarify that I meant Moneyjane's type of professional assistance. Although I have also seen a counselor. The counseling worked much better combined with the other consultations. I am open to the idea that a need for intimacy can come into it, but I think sometimes you just need sex. What MCT said applies - a few times a year is miles away from nothing. I'm not the kind of guy that needs to score all the time, so I can tell the difference between times when I can take matters into my own hands and when that no longer does the job. The question of temptation is interesting - can men achieve a different state of mind if they separate themselves from women or even everyone like an early explorer? Although the history of self denial has got a few failures - prisons, the navy, victorian gentlemen etc. I guess I'll just have to see how it works out. I've got some ice cubes in the bath, and an catering size tub of margarine. See you in the asylum!
posted by Simian XY 19 years ago
(limited to the most recent 20 comments)